Want to change up the parenting schedule, but can’t get the other parent to agree? You made need to change your approach. I have noticed that many people with visitation problems don’t seem to be able to effectively ask for additional visitation or modification to their custody schedules. In this post, I break down the elements of an effective request.
A effective request for additional visitation should be:
- Polite. Keep in mind that you are asking for something that the other side does not have to give you. You shouldn’t stand on your rights, make demands, or threaten court action. Instead, you should ask politely and firmly.
- To the point. You are asking for additional time with your children. Keep the request centered on asking for that extra time and don’t bring in other issues — especially money. Just concentrate on what you want.
- Specific. You should provide specific details about what you want from the other parent. Don’t just ask, “Can I have the kids.” You need to be specific about why you want extra time, what you are going to do, how you are going to arrange it and where you are going to be.
- Flexible. Don’t get stuck on your specifics, be willing to work around the other parent’s schedule or requests to get what you want. Don’t insist on 6 PM for the exchange, or having the exchange at the Wal-Mart on the West side of town, when the other parent offers you some reasonable alternative.
A detailed request should look something like this:
I would like to have Andrew for some extra time on this Sunday at 1 PM. My brother’s kids are coming over and we are having a scavenger hunt in the back yard. I know this is not my weekend, but I think this will be fun for Andrew and I would like the extra time. I can come and pick him up at 12:30 PM from your mom’s house or at the church. The scavenger hunt should last a couple of hours and we are planning dinner and ice cream for the kids. We should be finished between 6 PM and 7 PM. I will text you when we are on our way and then bring him to your house. I will have my phone with me so you can reach me at 321-1822 if you need anything. Again, I would really like to do this and I would appreciate your flexibility.
Or you could make it simpler, thus:
I’d like to see the kids this weekend. I can pick them up after lunch on Saturday and return them that evening. We will be at my house. Let me know.
The best thing about these requests is that even if the other parent refuses, you are building a great case for court. I would love to have a case where I can present to the judge multiple polite and reasonable letters that show one parent reaching out for more time with their kids and a hard-hearted, unreasonable parent denying each and every request. I am very sure we would mop the floors with the uncooperative parent. The thing is that I see very, very few cases such as this in court, and the reason I believe is that if you follow this advice you will get extra time with your kids and won’t have to ask the judge for help.
Good luck!