Holy Halloween, Batman! Did you know that the Cleveland County Standard Minimum Visitation Schedule does not divide holidays such as Halloween or Easter? Did you know it doesn’t address birthdays either? At best it is designed to supply about 90-120 overnight visits for the non-custodial parent. Although, designed to be the minimum visitation schedule this often is the maximum visitation that a non-custodial parent gets, and for those parentswho want to be involved it is definitely not enough.
How do we turn a maximum visitation schedule into a minimum one? The answer is : “ask for more”. Although I have heard many clients complain that they don’t want to ask the other parent, because they think they know the answer will be “no” or they think it demeans them to ask, and they just want to demand the visits. There is a better way, and we suggest that any non-custodial parent trying to expand his visitation should try the following:
- Give at least 48 hours notice. It is important that the other parent have fair warning to adjust her schedule. Try to give a least a couple days notice, and maybe even a week if possible.
- Communicate in writing ( texts and emails). It is best to communicate in writing to try to prevent misunderstanding. A quick e-mail will get across all the details to the other parent and you will have a record of your request. Just make sure that the e-mail is polite, targeted to communicate information about the visitation request, and avoids all other issues that are a consistent point of disagreement for both of you.
- Schedule specific activities. I find it works better when you have particular activities in mind for your kids. Schedule a time to take the kids to the zoo, the circus, the movies or out to see their cousins. It provides a context for the extra visit.
- Be as detailed as possible about the visit. Provide a pick-up time, a drop off time, an itinerary of what you will be doing, and a good contact number. Then you should stick to the information provided. This can help a lot when there are trust issues between you and the other parent.
- Extend the same courtesy to the other parent. If you want flexibility, then you should offer the same. It may be harder for a non-custodial parent to give up the little time that they do have, but instead of obsessing about your number of hours, try to think about creative ways to make up the time later in a fun way that the kids will enjoy.
- Keep track of your efforts. Sometimes your best efforts will not work to expand your visits. This is when it is time to go to court and ask the judge for relief. You are best positioned to do this when you have kept detailed records of your efforts, your correspondence, and your reasons for wanting extra time. If you have been consistent and the other parent has been unreasonable in her denials of your visits, then you have a case.
Do you want to learn more about the basis behind the Oklahoma visitation schedules? The Administrative Office of Courts has complied a detailed report on standard visitation schedules and the guidelines that they used to construct them.
Best of luck!